A More Perfect Union

Over two hundred years ago, a band of patriots declared..."We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union..."

The challenge of our great nation is to remain united as our diversity grows -- E Pluribus Unum -- "out of many, one". 

Some two thousand years ago the Apostle Paul affirmed..."the body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body.  So it is with Christ...."

The challenge of the Church is to experience unity in the Spirit. 

A similar challenge holds true for marriage and family life -- to create a more perfect union.

We experience that challenge as we counsel clergy and missionary couples at The Cottage.  Couples learn that unity does not require conformity, nor imply agreement.  To form a more perfect union, each person must keep sacred their own God-given individuality, while respecting the uniqueness of the other.

Unity grows from respect, and a deep understanding of my partner's unique perspective.  It takes discipline to put your own truth on the back burner while you seek to understand another's.  It takes courage to define your own unique self to your partner in a spirit of 'speaking the truth in love'.  It takes commitment to pursue a more perfect union where both are free to be fully themselves in a union of mutual respect and understanding.

When discipline, courage and commitment prevail, when truth and grace become hallmarks of the relationship, a more perfect union becomes a reality.

Thank you for your prayers and support.  Although many, we are one... as we bring healing and renewal to hurting clergy couples.

                                                                                        
Happy July 4th                                                

Blessings,
Walt & Fran Becker

THE COTTAGE ON CORONADO ISLAND
VOLUME 11, NUMBER 3, SEPTEMBER 2004, 261 "H" AVENUE, CORONADO, CALIFORNIA 92118. 877-472-9333

CLERGY APPRECIATION MONTH

MINISTRY STRESS

We have counseled hundreds of hurting clergy couples over the last fourteen years of ministry at Gray Fox Ranch and now at The Cottage. They represent the many thousands more who never seek help, but quietly ache under the burdens of ministry.

How is the emotional and spiritual health of your pastor? Does he need your support? -- A message of affirmation and appreciation?

We sometimes take our leaders for granted, holding them to high expectations while providing little positive recognition for their dedicated service.

OCTOBER

You can make a difference in the life of your pastor. October has been designated as "Clergy Appreciation Month', a time set aside for congregations to acknowledge the pastor and his family.

Spearheaded by HB London, Vice President of Focus on the Family, and a wonderful pastor to pastors, Clergy Appreciation Month is a time to affirm and honor, and remember our pastors need our support and loyalty all year long.

YOU CAN HELP

HB London suggests two ways to help your pastors and their fami-lies feel appreciated:

"1. Figure out what you can do personally to recognize and honor these leaders. A simple card, an invitation to lunch, a promise to pray for them or an offer to babysit, wash a car or mow a lawn make wonderful statements.

2. Share the concept of Clergy Appreciation Month with others in your congregation and challenge them to join you in some kind of formal planning. You might consider a special service of affirmation, a potluck event or planting a tree in their honor. The sky is the limit!"

You can download other suggestions from the "Clergy Appreciation Month Planning Guide' at www.parsonage.org.

LONG TERM CARE OF YOUR PASTOR

(From the "Clergy Appreciation Month Planning Guide' developed by Focus on the Family):

"There are a number of long-term ways your congregation can show its love and appreciation for your pastor(s) and demonstrate its respect for their divine calling among you.

1. Establish a pastoral care team. Select a handful of people from your congregation who will be charged with overseeing the welfare of your pastor and family. They will be their advocates. As such, they will regularly monitor their physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing and offer suggestions to congregational leaders that would improve their living conditions.

2. Provide fair and adequate salary, compensation and retirement benefits. The Bible says, "The worker deserves his wages" (Luke 10:7). A pastor should be compensated on a par with the people being served and other ministers in the same community. Recognize your pastor as a uniquely trained professional with related education loans to repay, familyraising needs and expenses similar to your own, and a right to a comfortable retirement. Give your pastor the freedom to minister instead of worry.

3. Allow time off for professional development. Encourage your pastor to continually challenge and improve himself/herself by underwriting his/her participation in spiritual retreats, conferences, denominational functions and continuing education each year.

4. Allow time off for relaxation and restoration. All pastors need time away with their families, as well as time alone with God. Give your pastor at least one or two days off each week, and respect his or her privacy during those days. Set boundaries and make sure the members of the congregation respect them.

5. Give freedom to dream and permission to lead. Be open to new ideas. Work to keep your pastor dreaming and alive. Let the Holy Spirit work.

6. Be willing to participate enthusiastically in shared ministry. The most exhilarating moment a pastor can experience is to have a layperson say, "Pastor, I really want to make a difference in my world for Christ." Join your pastor in God's ministry.

7. Support your pastor with regular prayer, love and encouragement. These are the most important things a church member can provide for a pastor. Prayer empowers pastors to be the people God called them to be.

8. Create an atmosphere that minimizes ministry stress and unrealistic expectations. Avoid grumbling, poisonous humor or a negative spirit. Be loyal. Come alongside him or her to facilitate personal renewal and restoration. Keep him/her accountable in avoiding an excessive schedule and maintaining healthy priorities.

9. Care for your pastor's family. Don't expect pastoral families to be any more perfect than your own. Recognize that every family is unique and eliminate unrealistic expectations. Encourage your pastor to make family a priority (even above ministry to you) and to give it the time, energy and effort required to keep it healthy.

10. Support pastoral caregiving ministries. Pastors do burn out. Your pastor may some day need unique caregiving assistance. Facilitate such care by financially supporting one of the special ministries or denominational programs that offer assistance to pastors and their families."

DID YOU KNOW?

Surveys have shown that four out of five pastors feel their families are negatively impacted by unrealistic expectations - whether self-imposed or congregation-imposed -- and that ministry is an outright hazard to the health of their families.

Seventy five percent of those surveyed reported experiencing a significant stressrelated crisis at least once in their ministry.

Focus on the Family

A Pastor Shares:

As rewarding and fun as it is to serve fulltime in a church, pastoring is challenging, demanding, and discouraging. The church is often a place of conflict—sometimes healthy conflict (conflict that is dealt with directly in the spirit of Galatians 5:22-23)—but more often it is a place of unhealthy conflict (see Galatians 5:19-21)! I'm sorry to say that over the years, I've had the unfortunate experience of being in the presence of some knock-em-down-and-drag-em-out church meetings. The behavior displayed at these meetings was EVIL (Galatians 5:19-21)! When in the middle of such a melee, I have often thought of Paul's statement to the most messed up church in the New Testament: "...I have no praise for you, for your meetings do more harm than good" (I Corinthians 11:17)! Indeed, ministry would be great if it weren't for people! And the people who ought to be loving pastors the most are often the cause of the pastor's greatest headaches and heartaches!

Facing Emotional Terrorists in the Church

One of the primary challenges pastors currently face is an incredibly unhealthy pattern in many churches across denominations in North America where key lay-patriarchs and matriarchs of the church have taken on the role of adversary to the pastor. Instead of working together with the pastor to impact their community and the world with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, there often seems to be a small but very powerful pocket of long time lay-church leaders who are engaged in an ecclesiastical battle—not with the devil—but with the pastor—whom they see as very dispensable and ephemeral. The primary weapon of ministerial destruction these "well-intentioned dragons" use on a pastor is, in my opinion, emotional terrorism: gossip, a constant stream of petty complaints (I'm not talking about sin issues—but issues of personal preference that get unjustifiably elevated to biblical importance), surprise votes of confidence at congregational meetings, unsigned letters spewing hate and negativity, secret "prayer" meetings by church power brokers that happen when the pastor is away on vacation, and looks of disgust and contempt while the pastor preaches just to name some examples. If there ever was a "gift" of discouragement, these people have it! Like the Devil himself, these people seem bent on making life and ministry an emotional hell for the pastor.

Before I go any further, I need to clarify that I'm NOT in any way trying to imply that all pastors are blameless and that if the laity would just get their act together everything in the church would be fine. I'm

Your Pastor Probably Won't Tell YOU This

Make no mistake about it: Emotional terrorism over a long enough period of time is a very effective tool if one—like the Devil—wants to discourage a pastor. And according to Dan Webster of Authentic Leadership Inc., discouragement is at epidemic proportions among pastors! It is no surprise then, that when surveyed anonymously, pastors will candidly talk about how they feel about the pastorate. According to one study of pastors commissioned by Focus on the Family:

50 percent feel they are unable to meet the demands of the job.

90 percent feel they were inadequately trained to cope with the demands of ministry.

33 percent have seriously considered leaving the pastorate.

My experiences with pastors confirm the statistics above. Frankly, the words that describe many of the pastors I know and love are tired and discouraged—and in more than a few cases defeated.

Revolving Door Pastors

Consequently, the average pastoral tenure in a given church is anywhere between three to five years depending on which statistical sources you consult. Ironically, research indicates that a pastor's most fruitful years of ministry at a church tend to happen between years five and fourteen (Barna). Think this through with me. About the time a church and a pastor start to establish trust and are able to begin moving forward in the cause of Christ, the pastor (willingly or grudgingly) moves on to the next church—often to repeat this dysfunctional pattern. Some of the misguided lay-leaders of these sick churches—after having chewed up and spit out so many pastors over the years—have erroneously deduced that their God ordained role in the church is make life miserable for the pastor and to let the pastor know when it is time to go. One man, a Sunday school teacher for over thirty years, actually told me, "It's my ministry to pray pastors out of our church." Talk about confused!

Your Church Is NOT Your Church... So You'd Better Be VERY Careful

For the sake of the testimony of Jesus Christ in our communities, we MUST allow God to change how we think and interact with our pastors. Therefore, we must let the Bible challenge, question, and correct the imbedded dysfunctional norms and unbiblical traditions that plague our thinking and mode of operation when it comes to the church—especially in our relationship with a pastor.

It's time for you to get on the solution side of this problem. Instead of embracing the role of pastoral impediment—or allowing others in the church to adopt this demonic disposition, I want to challenge you to throw yourself with wild abandon into the ministry of encouraging your pastor!

Starting now, I CHALLENGE YOU to be a blessing and to encourage your pastor by covenanting together with God, others in your church, and your pastor to substantively and practically put into practice seven biblical ways God wants you to support your pastor.

Note: Please freely share this article with as many people as you want in any form you desire. When you do, please let us know you are using it (info@cadreministries.com) and please include the author and website address (www.cadreministries.com)]

THE COTTAGE ON CORONADO ISLAND
VOLUME 11, NUMBER 2, JUNE 2004, 261 "H" AVENUE, CORONADO, CALIFORNIA 92118. 877-472-9333

A PASTOR’S WIFE SHARES:

This past September, my hus-band and I had the opportunity to spend a week with Walt & Fran. It was just what our marriage needed at the time.

A SCHOLARSHIP

Then, a few months ago we received their newsletter with a handwritten note from Fran of-fering me a scholarship to spend a week with her and Jesus.

At first I dismissed it thinking we probably could not afford even the plane ticket there. My husband really encouraged me to pray about it and e-mail Fran for some details. I asked her if it was a full scholarship and what dates she had available.

THE FLEECE

As I waited for the reply I looked at our calendar and laid a very specific fleece before the Lord asking that if I was to go that the first week in May be available. I did not share this with my husband or anyone. I just prayed for God to answer. When Fran e-mailed me back, I jumped for joy for the first week in May was the first opening she had. I immediately told my husband that God specifically answered my prayers, and I proceeded to buy a plane ticket.

DEPRESSION

In the few weeks that followed I found myself struggling more and more with the depression that had gripped me for many years and specifically since the birth of my children.

During the week I've spent with Fran and Jesus, I have taken authority over the negative patterns and lies I have lived in from early childhood.

This week was such a great re-minder that I am a child of God who does not have to live in depression.

THE MIRACLE

My husband pastors a church of only 30 members in a town with a population of 600. Needless to say, we did not have the resources, and it would take a miracle for me to receive the help I so desperately needed.

I know God has called my name and marked this week as my time with Him to bring healing and hope.

I am so grateful for the obedience of the one providing the scholarship, for Fran offering it, and for God specifically answering my fleece. What love he has for each of us!

HOW GREAT IS THE LOVE THE FATHER HAS LAVISHED ON US, THAT WE SHOULD BE CALLED CHILDREN OF GOD! AND THAT IS WHAT WE ARE!
1 JOHN 3:1

DID YOU KNOW?

THERE ARE 835 MEGA CHURCHES (MORE THAN 2,000 IN ATTENDANCE) IN AMERICA.

HOWEVER, THE AVERAGE CHURCH IN AMERICA HAS JUST UNDER 100 IN ATTENDANCE, AND OVER 100,000 CHURCHES HAVE 50 ATTENDEES OR LESS.

Many rural communities do not have the services available for a hurting clergy couple to find help. And even if the help is there, they cannot afford the expense.

It has been important for us to meet the needs of these hard-working pastors by providing financial assistance.

REPLENISHING

The response to our year-end appeal letter replenished the scholarship fund, for which we are very thankful.

But more and more pastors are asking for financial assistance. This year we want to make sure that no one is turned away for lack of funds.

Because of the generosity of a friend who has a heart for women, we were able to give scholarships to several pastors' wives and women in ministry. This funding will run out by the Fall.

HELP

Would you prayerfully consider giving a scholarship in memory of a loved one, or a way of saying thank you to a pastor who has influenced your Christian journey? Some of you might want to reach out to the special needs of pastors' wives in rural settings where besides being wife and mom, they also are secretary, choir director, pianist, small group leader and custodian, all without remuneration. Would you help them by providing some scholarship aid with a tax-deductible donation?

Thank you for your faithfulness in praying for, and supporting, the ministry at The Cottage.

GREETED BY:

Marvin and Maverick, our loyal boxers, continue to be wonderful greeters. They know when people need TLC and are always willing and happy to provide plenty of it.

THE COTTAGE ON CORONADO ISLAND
VOLUME 11, NUMBER 1, MARCH 2004, 261 "H" AVENUE, CORONADO, CALIFORNIA 92118. 619-435-7791

A PASTOR SHARES:

It has been several months since we left the Cottage at Coronado. Our week at the Cottage saved our marriage and helped us understand the underlying reasons for, and the future repercussions of, my moral fail-ure.

WHAT WILL GOD DO?
We arrived trusting God but not at all sure what He was intending to do with our marriage and with my possible restoration to ministry. I say possible restoration because at the time I felt com-pletely disqualified to ever be a pastor again.

The council we received each day was steeped in God's Word and covered with prayer. We were guided with wisdom, gentleness, and encouragement which allowed us to look deep into ourselves to find the root cause of my sin.

DISCONNECTED
It became evident that for the past several years my wife and I started to disconnect from each other. I gave myself more and more to the never ending de-mands of ministry and she, in order to lighten my load, took more and more responsibility at home with the children. The more she released me from par-enting, the more I dived into responding to people's needs at church. Our lives paralleled each other but both of us felt in-credibly alone and estranged from one another. I experienced the same distance between my-self and God. My passion cooled down and I just did my job. The Beckers helped me to see that I also lost touch with myself, violated boundaries, and became vulnerable to tempta-tion.

TRUTH TELLING AND GRACE GIVING
We came away from the Cottage having learned more about me, each other, and more about how much God loves us. We learned the discipline of sharing with each other in a gracious and truthful way. Our relationship became safe and secure again.

We still are amazed at how God spoke to us each day from our morning study in the Psalms. Although the Psalm we studied each day was not humanly arranged for us it sure must have been providentially. Each day we gained new insight specific to us and our situation.

REPENTANCE AND RESTORATION
God's grace brought me to repentance and allowed my spouse to forgive, and brought us to the Cottage to help provide restoration. But the road ahead of us is still not an easy one. The consequences of sin will continue to impact our lives.

We know that God has much to offer us if we continue to trust Him and work on ourselves and our relationship. God has given us a forgiving church family that is extending grace, an accountability group that supervises me, and a competent counselor back home making my restoration to full time ministry our hope for the future.

FROM WALT AND FRAN:

The process of restoration is difficult.

In our fifteen years of minister-ing to pastors, we have observed a wide variety of ways churches deal with moral failure.

From covering up by removing the pastor from the church and community before it becomes a scandal, to forcing the pastor and his family to go through a legalistic maze that provides lit-tle mercy and no hope for restoration -- these reactions are neither helpful or redeeming.

To simply remove the pastor from a church and community offers no means of healing for the pastor, his spouse, his family or the church family.

To make restoration an impossible goal to achieve (after all, when are you fully assured that he has repented enough?) only teaches judgment without grace, legalism without forgiveness -- a prescription for the church to never heal from the trauma.

Restoration is a God ordained process which can be described as a church discipline to bring the repentant pastor to a new level of service to God and the church.

DISCIPLINE OF TIME
Restoration takes time. The pastor is not removed from ministry as a punishment but in order to heal. Healing needs to take place in him, with his spouse, with his children, with the offended party and with the church family. It takes anywhere from a year to four to complete a full restoration depending on the gravity and scope of the offense.

DISCIPLINE OF COUNSEL
A pastor cannot make sense of what has happened without the counsel of someone that can help the pastor discover the truth in the inner parts. The pastor needs to come to a place where, like David, he can say: "I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me." This, not in order to feel guilt for the rest of his life, but to never forget that "against you and you only have I sinned, and done what is evil in your sight so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge."

DISCIPLINE OF ACCOUNTABILITY
The pastor needs an accountabil-ity group that will keep him true to his desire to make right what has gone terribly wrong. It also provides the pastor with men with whom he can be open and honest -- an antidote to pastoral loneliness.

DISCIPLINE OF RESTITUTION.
Whenever possible restitution needs to be attempted. It can come as an offer to pay for the counseling of the offended party, or as an act of asking for forgiveness when the time is appropriate.

DISCIPLINE OF RECONCILIATION AND RECOMMISIONING
"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways,..."
Psalm 51

Finally, comes the time when the process reaches the point of full reconciliation with the church body, and recommissioning the pastor to service in the ministry. We have seen some wonderfully redeeming services that celebrated the pastor's return to serve in the same church or recommisioned him for service in another church -- the worthwhile and graceful end to a healthy discipline of restoration.

THE COTTAGE ON CORONADO ISLAND
VOLUME 10, NUMBER 3, SEPTEMBER 2003, 261 "H" AVENUE, CORONADO, CALIFORNIA 92118. 619-435-7791

A PASTOR SHARES:

I would go to my church office feeling good but by noon I was ready for a nap. Well not really a nap, rather two or three hours of exhausted sleep. I'd wake up groggy and listless for the rest of the day.

I used to have enthusiasm and energy for the whole day, but it had slipped away. Yet I lost more than just energy and enthusiasm. I had also begun to have a terrible feeling of incompetence.

Through some wise counsel, I began looking for help. My search led me to The Cottage and a week with Walt and Fran.

Along with a great week and good insights into my ministry and marriage, they suggested I was depressed and needed medication.

I was reluctant. I rarely took so much as a Tylenol.

However, with my wife's encouragement, I began taking an antidepressant.

After a month, my family was unanimous in liking the change in me (my kids didn't know about the medication but could see the change in Dad.)

I have the energy to apply the insights from my week at The Cottage. I occasionally take a 20 minute nap after lunch and wake up refreshed.

If I'd been told I was a diabetic, I would have thanked God for insulin shots.

Now that I've experienced an antidepressant, I'm thankful to God for them.

FROM FRAN:

Our pastor was not the only one depressed without knowing. At my last medical check up, my doctor was very happy with the progress I had made, but I shared my only complaint was still a lack of energy. It did not affect my ability to work and counsel, nor my commitment to take our two boxers for walks around the neighborhood, but, like our pastor, every afternoon in between our counseling sessions I would have to lay down and rest.

My doctor asked me if I was depressed and, of course, I reminded him that I was a mental health professional and that I would know if I were depressed or not. Nothing in my environment is depressing. On the contrary I feel incredibly blessed to live on Coronado and thankful that my rheumatoid arthritis is in remission. So, NO, was my answer.

He proceeded to point out that when people go through a long bout of chronic pain, often symptoms of depression such as fatigue set in. Because this kind of depression creeps in slowly, like the proverbial frog in the kettle, the depressed person does not recognize her condition. The doc prescribed Welbutrin.

Contrary to other antidepressants, this medication took effect almost immediately. In a few days I was back to my old self again, accomplishing many different things and making long "HONEY DO" lists for Walt.

This was my first time taking medication for depression and I can tell you that the difference it made has been astonishing. Because my energy is back I am able to do more physical exercises and in the process have lost the twenty pounds I had gained during my illness.

This week we have a young clergy couple from the mid west. The wife has a history of depression and found herself clinically depressed after the birth of her second child. In June her doctor prescribed an antidepressant that has brought back life in this dear woman's heart.

As a result of her long struggle with depression, at times her husband has had to carry the load of church and family alone and became depleted himself. To his credit, he shared his struggle with his board.

Providentially, the little church they are serving have people who are willing to step in and help with the responsibilities of the church and family, and provided the resources to come to The Cottage.

With a loving God providing healing with a supportive faithcommunity, counseling and medication, this couple is well on their way to newness of life.

Depressed Mood

Diminished Interest in Pleasurable Activities

Decrease or Increase in Appetite

Insomnia or Hypersomnia

Fatigue or Loss of Energy

Feelings of Worthlessness

Diminished Ability to Think or Concentrate

FROM WALT:

One of my modern day heroes of the faith, and friend, was Lew Smedes, author, and for many years, Professor of Ethics at Fuller Seminary. Lew died suddenly last December at the age of 81. His books, so reflective of Lew, are rich in Biblical truth, common sense, genuineness and brilliance. His last book, My God and I; A Spiritual Memoir, is no exception.

In it he writes: "...I must, to be honest, tell you that God also comes to me each morning and offers me a 20-milligram capsule of Prozac. With this medication he clears the garbage that accumulates in the canals of my brain overnight and gives me a chance to get a fresh morning start. I swallow every capsule with gratitude to God."

THE COTTAGE ON CORONADO ISLAND
VOLUME 10, NUMBER 2, JUNE 2003, 261 "H" AVENUE, CORONADO, CALIFORNIA 92118. 619-435-7791

A MISSIONARY WRITES:

We were married for 37 years. We didn't get to celebrate our anniversary this year because my husband's life was suddenly taken by a terrorist bomb blast at an airport in the Philippines on March 4th.

PUSHING TO PERFORM

We had been missionaries there since 1978. From early morning until late at night he gave all his time and energy to the work he was called to do. When he arrived home there was little energy remaining for our sons or me. Whenever I approached the subject of our relationship lacking time and intimacy, my expressed needs could never stand up against what God had called him to do. He kept pushing to perform, to produce, and try to carry out all the expectations he thought others had for him.

It was not long before the "empty nest" years were upon us. I had invested my life into our sons and now both of them were on their own. I needed help and I did not want to return to the mission field without working on our marriage.

A NEW ADVENTURE

He couldn't imagine why I wanted marriage counseling. Our marriage was perfect for him. He had no complaints. Reluctantly, he agreed to be the "drag-ee", and we attended a marital retreat in 1990. That weekend started a new adventure in our marriage.

From that time on we placed a higher priority on our relationship than our missionary assignment. Amazingly, neither one of us lost effectiveness. In fact, at the time of his death, his ministry was at an all time peak.

Yes, the thief who came to steal, kill and destroy did take his life from me. But evil people can never take away the last thirteen years of our life together.

GOD'S LOVING CARE

While at the Cottage, I have continued to process the taking of his life from this earth. I have been able to see that God lovingly began preparing me for his departure way back in 1990. It began when we both decided to work on our relationship.

During the month before he was killed there were many occasions when we shared together and, engulfed with a sense of awe, I would say to myself, "can it get any better than this!"

I discovered that marriage is work...often, hard work. But the time and the expense involved in making the relationship healthy is worth any sacrifice necessary. As I grieve the loss of my husband, I have great peace knowing that, with God's help, we joyfully accomplished the words we spoke to each other thirty seven years ago..."till death us do part".

FROM WALT & FRAN:

Terrorists are with us to stay. The gauge used to alert us of a terrorist's threat probably will never go below "ELEVATED." This is a sad but accurate reality. Frankly, no one knows when, where and how they will strike next.

THE LAW OF LOVE

Because of that, our focus needs to be placed in what Jesus says will not be taken from us -- the relationship we develop with Him, and with others. To love God and one another is the sure sign that we are His disciples.

Jesus sums up the Law in these two commandments: First, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind," then, secondly, "love your neighbor as yourself."

In these troublesome times it becomes imperative that we ask the question: "Do I love the Lord my God?" Where does He stand in my priority list? What have I done to deepen and strengthen that relationship? Does my calendar and schedule reflect a relationship with Him? Or is my life pretty much all about me, my family, my job?

When was the last time I took time to be alone with the Master? We all know, of course, that tomorrow will be a good time to start. Our missionary's husband did not get a tomorrow. Will we?

The time to begin anew is always now. Even now, take two or three deep breaths and let your mind go to the person of Jesus. What are you seeing or feeling? Has it be a while since you became still to know He is the Lord your God? Whatever you might experience from this little exercise, plan to meet again with Him tomorrow, and the day after, and next. Meeting Him in person and through His Word will renovate your heart.

LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR

How are our relationships with others? Specifically with our spouse. Is it growing? Are we spending time to nurture each other? Are we able to say with our missionary: "Can it be any better than this!"

Anything we do to grow and nurture our marital relationship is a powerful investment.

What about other relationships--- with siblings, parents, grandparents, grandchildren; relationships within the family of God, with friends, coworkers, neighbors, yes, even our enemies.

Then the words of the apostle John will ring true in our lives: "Dear friends let us loveone another, for love comes from God. ...This is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us we also ought to love one another....There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.." 1 John 4:7& ff

Our missionary widow has started down the courageous road of not only forgiving the terrorists who killed her husband but also to love them, and to pray that their hearts might be opened to receiving the good news of God loving and forgiving them in Jesus Christ.

Can we do any less?

THE COTTAGE ON CORONADO ISLAND
VOLUME 10, NUMBER 1, FEBRUARY 2003, 261 "H" AVENUE, CORONADO, CALIFORNIA 92118. 619-435-7791

A SEMINARY PROFESSOR WRITES:

Dear Walt & Fran,

Thank you for updating us about your change of venue. I certainly hope that Southern California will be a good environment for you. I know that your ministry will certainly follow you wherever you go.

I simply want to communicate a few words of thanks to you both for the work you did with us for a week back in the summer of 2000. You were very important in helping us to stop our emotional free fall and THE COTTAGE ON CORONADO ISLAND beginning the long road back to healing and restoration.

As I remember that time, I now can recognize that although I prayed, trusted and loved God for salvation, I had stopped enjoying His presence in my life and had stopped hoping that He would help me. Your daily regimen in the Psalms, which I have continued on, helped me to remember how much I love to be with God.

While we continue to work in the same setting with many difficulties around us, in many ways our attitudes towards our work and our own sense of self-worth and identity have shifted in subtle but very profound ways. As I look back, I must attribute the genesis of those shifts to seeds you two planted in our sessions during that week together.

We did move to a new home in fall of 2001, which we have totally remodeled in the meantime. We are enjoying each other and life in many ways. There are creative areas of ministry which beckon to us. We both thank you for your part in helping us to get our faith back to continue ministry.

Yours in Christ,

FROM WALT & FRAN:

Pastors and seminary professors possess a good portion of theological knowledge -- most are well trained and gifted teachers. They have brought souls into the Kingdom and have provided spiritual direction and guidance to multitudes.

Sadly, however, while faithfully feeding their flock, some have lost their first love failing to receive nurture themselves.

Spending time each day feeding upon the fresh manna of God's Word remains the necessary nurturance that sustains the abundant life Jesus offers.

We can go without food for many days, without water for a few days, without air but for minutes. So it is with our spiritual life. The breath of the Spirit needs to be taken in moment by moment. God's presence is constant.

A good start in the morning is to engage in the daily reading of the Psalms, making it a sacred reminder of our complete dependence on his grace and strength. We are then empowered in the business of ministry, rather than having the busyness of ministry suck us dry.

To share in this reading with our spouse also brings new vitality to our marital relationship, filling it with grace and peace. What a joy to walk through the day together when our hearts have been warmed at daybreak. Our cups have been filled, and our marriage and ministry receive the overflow.

FRAN'S HEALTH

I am happy to report that I am feeling like a new person. Marvin and Maverick (the Boxers pictured above) take me for three hardy walks each day. The rhumatologist wants me to continue on methotraxate to suppress my immune system, but is slowly weaning my body from prednisone. We are hoping and praying that in a few months I will be completely off steroids. Thank you for your prayers, and the many comforting notes I received.

A MINISTRY FOR WOMEN ONLY

In fact, I am feeling so well that we have decided to add a new ministry at the Cottage for women in leadership and clergy wives.

It is a week long intensive to help women find strength and renewal for their own personal and spiritual journey. Contact us for more information.

WOMEN'S RETREAT AT SOUTH SHORES CHURCH, DANA POINT, CA

It was good to be home again with our church family at South Shores Church. One hundred and fifty women joined me in an enrichment day to discover what it means to be transformed into the likeness of Christ through the RENOVATION OF THE HEART.

The retreat's title was borrowed from Dallas Willard's new book, Renovation of the Heart. If you would like something challenging to read, we recommend you get hold of the book and together with a few friends go through each chapter.

Very helpful questions are poised at the end of every chapter to help structure a small group interaction.

WE NEED YOU!

Please continue to pray for us and for the clergy couples seeking restoration and renewal at the Cottage.

And please pray for an upcoming ministers' wives retreat Fran will lead May 2-3 at Thousand Pines Conference Center in California.

We so appreciate your prayers and financial support. We are blessed to have you as ministry partners.